RANSVESTIA

a real or figurative tear for your shattered hopes and ideals, and to re- group your forces either for another go at arriving at a modus operandi or for retreat into disappointment on your part and disillusionment on hers. And whichever route you go it comes to a state of things that is not really satisfactory for either of you for years. You go underground and she goes into an attempt to forget and to deny that it ever happened or to "devoter" herself to her children more or less passing you by. What's to do about it? A suggestion in a minute but for a bit let's ask what is different about the A and B wives.

Generally speaking C, D, and E wives are imprisoned within the con- ceptual stereotypes of masculine and feminine and the requirements and expectations of both. In addition they may be and often are neurotic in their own right for other reasons and simply do not have the emo- tional strength to take on a husband's problems on top of their own. A and B wives are to various degrees more "liberated" from these con- ceptual stereotypes. They are better able to see their husband as a hu- man being with strengths and weaknesses as they have themselves. They are not so concerned with living up to specific patterns and are more free to explore, accept, improvise and handle new and unorthodox situa- tions. In short they have more freedom in their self-concept; they are not so dependent for their identity on being somebody's wife and of liv- ing entirely through him. They may not even be as "good" a "little wife" as some of those that can't stand the idea of hubby being an FP. it is surprising how often those with the C, D, and E wives speak highly of how much they love her and how she is a "wonderful wife in all other ways". This is generally an unconscious tribute to the very thing that is causing the problem—she is fitting the stereotype so well that she comes over as "wonderful”.

The A and B wives, moreover, are less likely to have intense personal problems to be neurotic within themselves they therefore have some psychic energy to spare to deal with their husband's problems on one level or another. Such wives may never have heard of Women's Lib- eration or having heard of it they may well disapprove of what they have heard (by the way of the media) but they are fortunately for them rather more liberated than the average anyway. I want to make it clear here that their "liberation" is simply that they are more able to escape from the sterotypical limitations determining what a proper "lady", woman wife, mother "ought" to be. Being less caught up in these entangling threads they feel more freedom of movement, are less threatened by new situations that are unorthodox and more able to take things in their stride with feelings of "to each his own", "do your own thing”, and

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